So, I don't have a job anymore because the pub closed on August 31st. Today is the 8th of September and I have made very little progress on the projects ahead of me. My decision is to not seek employment here in Illinois but rather to hasten my move back to NJ and seek employment there.
I did a lot of sorting through papers and opening the 5+ years of unopened mail I had in multiple boxes, bags and just strewn all over my office floor. It does feel good to face this fear and shame. I have only 1 or 2 boxes left and I really need to get to it so I can move on to the next thing.
Instead of doing things that I should, I have in fact done either nothing or other things that can wait or are not pressing. For instance, tomorrow the Realtor is coming at 11 AM to look at the condo and give me advice about dumping it quickly. I haven't gotten the front door fixed yet so the storm door is held closed with string. Ugh! I did however scan a bunch of old pictures the other day... like that is progress towards moving. Not really.
Today I started to pack up the guest room and I sent an email to my old church asking if they want all my religious books and office supplies. I forgot to mention the purple couches for the purple room. I'll have to offer those when I drop off the other things. I also brought up the boxes that Kathy gave me from her recent move so I can start doing some real damage up here.
Honestly I am finding it harder than I expected to deal with the prospect of selling and giving away most of my possessions. It is just stuff after all and having attachments to it is just silly. Yet here we are. The bizarre thing is what possessions I'm finding myself attached to: my kitchen stuff (dishes, glasses, etc.). They will not be needed in NJ and it's silly to try to store them, so they must go. But I really like them and love having all the matching accessories. I think I've decided to keep my good china because it is just so damn pretty and there will be a time in the future when I will live on my own again ... or perhaps I can convince my mother to use my china instead of hers. I don't know. We'll see.
For the past five days I have been a lump. I have wasted these days doing very little productive activities and basically laying on the couch watching videos on my computer. I haven't moved my body hardly at all and this is not good. In fact, inactivity will do me in. Tomorrow after the realtor comes, I am taking a load of stuff to Good Will to get this party started. Then I will work on finishing packing the guest room and start gathering all the items I will donate to church.
The other strange thing I did today was research my ex husband so that I can reach out to him about mementos from his mother that I will not be taking with me. It would be morally wrong of me to find alternative homes for the items without first offering them back to her son. So, I found an email address and I will be taking inventory of the items I cannot take with me so I can make this offer. It will probably freak him out a bit to hear from me after 15 years, but it is freaking me out to send the email too!
So as one can tell, I'm rather a mess over this whole situation. The loss of the pub and the impending loss of my home and the prospect of starting over again in NJ has me in a tizzy. I would much rather be reporting on the loss of fat than this!
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